one two three fourrrrnication!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
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I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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