On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
