i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize