Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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