So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
