Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
