FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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