I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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