You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
