she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
