Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
