Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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