Someone shit on the floor
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
