my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
