After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
