First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
