You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I would ride that face into the sunset
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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