I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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