Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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