im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
