I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
