You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
