Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
