I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
