She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
