This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
