this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I love having hate sex.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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