saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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