i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
