when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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