So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
