U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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