I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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