i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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