i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
