Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
