I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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