in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
