can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
