I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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