I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
