All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't make out with my wife yet
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
