Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
