Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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