Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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