Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
