you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
