3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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