if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
