i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
