my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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