So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
