he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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