Someone shit on the floor
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
