we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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