I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
