I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
