my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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