i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Randomize
