I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
