What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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