Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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