I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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