is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
