i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
