fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
