batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
