I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
