It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize