All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize