you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
